Julie Bacolas aka Julie Ann Bacolas, Julia Bacolas, Julia Ann Bacolas, Julie Allor, Julie Stoffers, Counselor at Community Medical Services in Kingman, Arizona.
Julie Bacolas is employed as a counselor at Community Medical Services in Kingman, Arizona. The employment of this individual by Community Medical Services greatly endangers the patients this woman comes into contact with as well as the standing of this clinic within the community.
I was married to Julie Bacolas from 1987 until 2000. We were both attending graduate school for our Masters in Professional Counseling, with the goal of receiving our doctoral degrees and practicing together and serving the community. These were my goals, rather.
Although Julia Bacolas earned her degree degree requirements of a Masters in Counseling, Chapman University would not grant her the degree or credentialise her due to the character defects listed in this website. She now works as a drug counselor in Kingman, Arizona. Degree requirements for her position: high school diploma.
Between 1994 and 1998, Julie suffered from an extreme addiction to crystal meth amphetamines. She refused treatment for her addiction and the latter years leading to our divorce. We have four common children together.
During this time, I was receiving mental health services, as one of the requirements to actually become a counselor. Potential counselors are to receive mental health services to be able to serve their population of clients. Based on the trauma and tragedy which was my first marriage, it was endorsed that I receive these services as well. During my divorce proceedings, my mental health records were submitted to the Superior Court in Arizona, showing the trauma of being married to a malignant sociopathic narcissist and drug addict, who prostituted herself to support her drug use while we were both struggling students attending college. I also had case workers from my mental health clinic testify at those proceedings in 1998 in support of my divorce. Julie Bacolas’ previous abandonment of our common children was also documented and supported by these records as well as other documentary evidence.
Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT (2017) identifies the abuse that is experienced by a non-narcist parent from a malignant narcissist sociopath:
"Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive–hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” However, someone can be abusive, but not be a narcissist. Addicts and people with other mental illnesses such antisocial personality disorder can also be abusive. Abuse is abuse, no matter what the abuser’s diagnosis."
"Someone with more narcissistic traits who behaves in a malicious, hostile manner is considered to have “malignant narcissism.” Malignant narcissists aren’t bothered by guilt. They can be sadistic and take pleasure in inflicting pain. They can be so competitive and unprincipled that they engage in anti-social behavior. Paranoia puts them in a defensive-attack mode as a means of self-protection."
"Malignant narcissism can resemble sociopathy. Sociopaths have malformed or damaged brains. They display narcissistic traits, but not all narcissists are sociopathic. Their motivations differ. Whereas narcissists prop up an ideal persona to be admired, sociopaths change who they are in order to achieve their self-serving agenda. They need to win at all costs and think nothing of breaking social norms and laws. They don’t attach to people as narcissists do. Narcissists don’t want to be abandoned. They depend on others’ approval, but sociopaths can easily walk away from relationships that don’t serve them. Although some narcissists will occasionally plot to obtain their objectives, they’re usually more reactive than sociopaths, who coldly calculate their plans."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse
In April, 1998, Julie Bacolas kidnapped our four common children from my care. I received emergency temporary custody shortly thereafter, and on subsequent hearings before the Superior Court, I was named the “custodial parent” based on many factors. Approximately a month after I was named as the custodial parent, our youngest daughter, began exhibiting behaviors odd and sexual in nature, which was uncommon for our youngest child, age seven at the time these behaviors surfaced.
Upon open ended questioning before witnesses, this little girl could only utter one sentence through her tears, “Don’t be mad at Ed.” Julie Bacolas’ boyfriend at the time was Edward Troy Stoffers. Later during my divorce proceedings to bar my first wife from visitation, a witness came forward to claimed Edward Troy Stoffers had admitted to accusations of sexual abuse against his own daughter by his own ex-wife. The interview with the youngest daughter was open ended before the adult roomate and the two older chioldren, so four witnesses were present.
During this divorce, I hired Colonel John T. Tavernaro as an investigator regarding my ex-wife’s boyfriend, Edward Troy Stoffers. Col. Tavernaro was a former Colonel for the military police in Vietnam, in charge of military police in Saigon prior to the fall of the country into the hands of the communists in 1975. Col. Tavernaro was responsible for relocating over 7,000 vietnamese refugees in Arizona after the Vietnam War, and was awarded an honorary doctoral degree from Arizona State University in 1999. Col. Tavernaro worked on my case “pro bono” due to the heinous circumstances of my divorce and what happened to my children, specifically, the abuse disclosed by my youngest daughter.
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At a hearing to terminate Julie Bacolas’ visitation rights with our common children in 1998, Col. Tavernaro found, during a deep investigation, that Edward Troy Stoffers was an escapee from a minimum security holding facility in the state of California. Relevant to accusations regarding the allegations in 1998 that Ed Stoffers admitted were made against him by his ex-wife and daughter, as well as my efforts to end visitations with my first wife to stop contact with my children and this presumed predator.
https://juliebacolas.com/ed-stoffers
After it was suspected that my youngest daughter, may have been a victim of sexual abuse by the hands of my first wife’s boyfriend, I contacted the Phoenix Police, but was referred to the Glendale Police Department, as that is where the crime may have occurred and it was that department’s jurisdiction.
The youngest daughter was interviewed by the detectives at the Glendale Police Department in Arizona, but was too scared to talk to them. A physical examination did not disclose any penetration. A marriage and family counselor was retained to treat the child, so she would feel safe with any disclosures of what happened to her. The counselor is Rochelle Silverman who at last contact in 2009, lives and practices counseling in Miami, Florida. In 1998, Julie Bacolas declined to exercise her rights under joint custody to request a second psychological opinion regarding the child's allegations against her boyfriend, Ed Stoffers
Loree Beniuk & Pearl Rimer (2006) explains why the detectives at the Glendale Police Department referred the father to a marriage and family therapist, to give the victim comfort about discussing the abuse by Ed Stoffers to the police in their investigation:
"Some children tell as soon as they have been abused, however, many children do not. Often children wait to tell for an indefinite period of time. Some children are too young to understand that what happened to them was wrong and may not know to tell. Young children who are not yet speaking and children with special needs may not be able to communicate what happened, or indicate that they need help. A child may not be able to clearly disclose what happened because young children do not understand time, have difficulty explaining the order of how things happened,and are still developing their memory skills. Sometimes, children think they have told and no one is listening (e.g., “I don’t want to go to Uncle John’sanymore.”)."
"Young children are more likely to accidentally disclose.You may suspect that something happened to your child based on: • things you see or hear during play; • changes in his/her behavior; • overhearing something s/he tells a friend; or• questions/comments that express specific fears or worries.Youth are more likely to purposefully disclose by talking about the abuse or by asking for help. Some youth may begin by telling a little and watching how the listener reacts. Over time, once s/he feels believed, safe and supported, s/he may tell more."
https://childdevelop.ca/sites/default/files/files/Understanding-Child-Sexual-Abuse.pdf
Approximately five weeks into counseling in 1998, on audio tape, the youngest child opened up to Ms. Silverman and explained in great detail the circumstances regarding the sexual abuse she experienced at the hands of perpetrator Ed Stoffers. The goal of counseling was for the child not to be scared to speak up about her abuse to the detective at the Glendale Police Department and to Child Protective Services. My youngest daughter was detailed in her descriptions of the abuse and the audio tapes were presented and are on file with the then Child Protective Services in Arizona, as well as the detective assigned to the case with the Glendale Police Department.
When the detective went to the last known address of Julie Bacolas and Edward Troy Stoffers, the house was vacant. The visitation with Julie Bacolas and our common children was never terminated, nor our joint custody. The only sanctions imposed by the Superior Court that she was to keep our common children away from the accused perpetrator during visitations with our children, Edward Troy Stoffers. To reiterate, it is of great importance that the reader understands that the court granted me, the father, custodial parenting of our common children and that joint custody remained between myself and Julie Bacolas. It was only after I was given custody of our common children that the allegations of abuse arose regarding Ed Stoffers, and only then, visitation was the issue going forward in my divorce with Mrs. Bacolas.
According to Leena Nesir (2020):
"Not only does the narcissistic mother fail to protect us early on from the terrors of the outside world, she becomes the source of our terror."
https://www.moms.com/how-a-son-develops-when-hes-raised-by-a-narcissistic-mother/
After my first wife and Ed Stoffers fled Arizona, presumably to avoid prosecution regarding child abuse to my youngest daughter, the detective at the Glendale Police Department, as well as Col. John T. Tavernaro, attempted to locate Julie and Ed, but they couldn’t be found. I was later told by both of the before mentioned parties that Edward Troy Stoffers was the type of person who lives on the “fringes” of society, putting homes, utilities, etc. In other people’s names to avoid being located by the authorities based on his past. Several years later, Julie was found working at a striptease club in Texas, called “Civil West” and that was the first contact I had with her since abandoning her rights to joint custody and visitation with our common children.
The child repressed the incident and forgot she had been a victim of abuse. This is common for victims of trauma and a defense mechanism. I was alright that my daughter repressed her reported abuse while she was growing up, knowing that later in life she would have to deal with the trauma at some point and the failings of her own mother for exposing her to such abuse.
Todd .Corelli, Matthew J. Hoag, and Robert J. Howell, PhD (1997) published an essay addressing repression with childhood sexual abuse victims:
"Some therapists maintain that traumatic experiences during childhood, such as CSA, are often repressed because they are too difficult to assimilate into one's experience. It is claimed that the repressed memory manifests through the current psychological symptoms the person is experiencing. Some even assert that psychological treatment for other disorders will not be effective until the sexual abuse is addressed. Thus. for the person to completely heal. this abuse must be remembered and "worked through." Claridge suggests that the traumatic experience must be remembered and integrated into the patient's self."
http://jaapl.org/content/jaapl/25/1/31.full.pdf
It was extremely hard for me to raise these children as a single parent. I had to work and tried to attend graduate school while parenting and that combination did not work out with the survivors of this divorce and trauma. I ended up having to withdraw from graduate school to work and care for my children.
One of my greatest failings as a single parent was not to identify and treat the symptoms of trauma these children were exhibiting from their antisocial and delinquent behavior. With my daughter's repression of the abuse and trauma, her and her older sister grew up under my care with no behavioral issues during early childhood. My two older boys, however, exhibited extreme behaviors stemming from my divorce and and the abuse and neglect from their mother. I was in denial, not providing these boys with the mental health services they needed. I convinced myself that my boys were not victims, but rather gifted children with an absent mother, unstimulated because of the poverty associated with being raised by a single parent.
In the public court system, a mother who was neglectful and eventually abandons her children contributes to juvenile delinquency, and a study was conducted regarding mothers who work outside the home. Thus, maternal influence is very important to the moral development and the expression of delinquency in young boys, according to Justin T. Pickett (2016):
"Juvenile justice reformers and practitioners have long blamed mothers for juvenile delinquency."
"Juvenile justice reformers and practitioners, as well as early scholars of child development, primarily tasked mothers rather than fathers with the responsibility of rearing law-abiding children (Grubb & Lazerson, 1988; Odem, 1995). Over the course of the 19th century, the belief that child rearing was a woman’s central task in life gained wide popularity (Degler, 1980), and women were elevated “to the status of the unchallenged custodians of the moral development of children” (Kett, 1977, p. 114). The principle was that “women served as guardians of morality against the dangers of the street and the competition of the marketplace” (Feld, 1999, p. 32). In turn, delinquency constituted evidence that the child’s mother, either because of her absence from the home or her reliance on ineffective child-rearing methods, had failed to provide the necessary moral regimen (Hoffman & Vander Ven, 2007; Kasinsky, 1994)."
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1557085115624759
My older boys became chronic shoplifters, burglars, burned houses down to the ground, accused of mistreating cats and animals, roamed the streets at night while I worked, leaving their little sisters unattended, and getting the family evicted from their family home of six years due to vandalism of another home owned by the property management company we rented from at the time. My failing as a parent was not to provide these boys with mental health services, convincing myself that their behaviors were the result of a lack of stimulation of gifted children.
The delinquent behaviors following the divorce is from the trauma of the emotional and physical abandonment Jbyulie Bacolas of her children. Judith Mishne (2020) explains:
"One has ample room to speculate on the overriding character disturbance of the parent who literally or emotionally abandons his or her child, and we can postulate a spectrum of severe disturbances that include psychosis, borderline syndrome and pathological narcissism. Kernberg (1975) describes chronically cold parental figures with covert but intense aggression as a very frequent feature of the background of these patients."
"Despite superficial functioning, the interaction with the child has a high degree of callousness, indifference, and non-verbalized spiteful aggression which results in intense oral frustration, resentment and aggression developing in the child, who needs to defend against extreme envy and hatred (Kernberg, 1975). Kohut (1971) includes the absence or unavailability of the parent or parents in the early life of the child as creating narcissistic injury and fixation. Events in the early life of a child, such as the absence of a parent, or loss of a parent through death, divorce, hospitalization, or withdrawal because of emotional illness, contribute to the narcissistic fixation in a negative sense. The decisive repression of the archaic, idealized parent image (or other modes of its inaccessibility, e.g., through a vertical split in the psyche) may take place after the external disappearance of the parent."
"The abandoned child, due to pathological divorce proceedings and/or total surrender, i.e., into foster placement, seems far less empathic, more grandiose and self invested than the children who have lost a parent through death. Anna Freud describes her work with separated but not abandoned children during wartime, and states that displacements of affect from the loser to the lost becomes still more obvious when the lost object is a human one. There were many occasions to observe those who experienced not their own very real separation distress, but the imagined distress, loneliness, and longing of the parents whom they had left be-hind. "I have to telephone my Mummy, she will feel so lonely," was a frequent wish, expressed especially in the evening (A. Freud, 1969). This empathy with self and/or object appears completely absent in the aban-child. Further, the remnants of the internalized object representation acquire the characteristics of real but rather lifeless shadowy people (Kernberg, 1970). The shadow of the absent but existent parent appears to stimulate great idealization by children who have experienced being given up, ignored, and emotionally put aside."
https://projectlifeline.us/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Parental-Abandonment.pdf
In 2005, Julie made a brief contact with the family again at our home, unannounced in Phoenix. That same year corresponds to my second oldest son's first mental breakdown and admission to St. Luke’s behavioral unit that same year. This child was a witness to the abuse by Julia and Ed Stoffers, testifying that she had kicked him down as a child, he was witness to obscene sexual behavior between Julie and Ed Stoffers, and was very hurt as a child for his mother’s abandonment of him and his siblings.
Julie came again unannounced into the children’s life the following year, and my oldest son who will remain unmentioned began showing signs of pedophilia in response to his childhood trauma regarding his mother.
My youngest daughter repressed the incidents with Ed Stoffers, as well as the audio tape disclosures to Rochelle Silverman during counseling. She grew up to be a fine young girl, involved in track and field, very athletic, a member of the acting club in high school, an extremely high GPA and an honors student, and a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints. That all changed in 2009.
Three of the older children began experiencing severe mental health symptoms as a result of the reintroduction of Julie into their lives and her resulting menticide. Francesco Dentale (2015) explains research indicating malignant pathological narcissist parents may cause mental health issues in their offspring:
"Both paternal and maternal narcissism are significantly correlated with parental rearing dimensions as well as with depression and anxiety of the young adult children in the expected direction. At the same time, PBI scales and children’s depression and anxiety were significantly correlated with the expected pattern. Importantly, paternal and maternal path analyses showed that the effect of parental narcissism was mediated by the parental rearing style with significant sum an indirect effects both on depression and anxiety. These results are compatible with a generally assumed mediation model, mentioned in the introduction (Laulik, Chou, Browne, & Allamb, 2013 for a review), that posits parental pathological traits, quality of parenting behaviours and children’s mental health indices as predictors, mediators and criteria respectively."
https://www.ijpsy.com/volumen15/num3/420/relationship-between-parental-narcissism-EN.pdf
In 2008, Julie came back into our family’s life and asked me if she could see her now teenage children, so she could re-establish a relationship with her family and begin a healing. I happily complied as I found it in everyone’s best interest that we all put the past behind us and go forward, for the sake and psychological health of our common children. Although my second wife protested, I allowed Julie to stay at our new home in Surprise, Arizona, to rebuild her relationship as their mother. I paid for multiple resort stays for her to have alone time with our common children. I wanted a complete healing and I forgave my ex-wife for all her failings as a mother and was very happy she wanted to be part of her children’s life. This was the biggest mistake of my life, allowing that woman back in, and I’ve paid dearly for that mistake, which has damaged me beyond belief. Nicole Smith (2020) explains:
"A narcissistic parent is a system gone wrong. Instead of a parent putting the needs of the children before their own, the child is groomed to take care of the needs of the narcissist parent. This creates a toxic bond that can have long-term consequences.."
"Narcissistic parents often view their children as an extension of themselves and try to control or manipulate them into being who they want them to be."
"The level of manipulation, brainwashing, demoralizing, and self-esteem destruction that a narcissistic parent inflicts upon a child is sadistic."
https://www.survivedivorce.com/co-parenting-narcissist
In 2009, I noticed my oldest son and youngest daughter began acting extremely disrespectfully and combative toward me. I was complaining to my eldest daughter, who disclosed to me regarding a “family meeting” Julie had with her and her siblings. She was embarrassed to disclose the subject matter of this meeting to me, as to protect me. Noticeably absent was my second oldest son, who had testified to Child Protective Services regarding the abuse and neglect of his mother in 1998. According to what my daughter disclosed, Julie Bacolas told our common children that I had fabricated the sexual molestation of Ed Stoffers in order to obtain custody of our common children. Julie told the children she feared me as an abusive person, which is why she deserted the children for nine years. As pare of Julie Bacolas' menticide with intent, she gaslighted her children and their memories. Gaslighting is common with narcissist parents, and is explained by Amy Launder (2020):
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgement."
https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/
At this time, my oldest son was showing signs of a preoccupation with pedophilia, which is a matter of fact with his family and peers. Up until this point, my youngest daughter had repressed all issues regarding her abuse at the hands of perpetrator, Ed Stoffers, and was a very functional child. My oldest daughter had no signs of mental illness at this time, but my second oldest son had been in and out of mental institutions, triggered by his mother’s return to the scene. Narcissist mothers like Julie Bacolas triggers a myriad of mental health issues with their children, which is outlined by Annabelle Psychology (2020):
"Such experiences can be detrimental to the mental health of children of narcissistic parents, with the following characteristics commonly observed:
"Children of narcissistic parents, especially younger ones, rarely have coherent principles of their own. As they can be at the receiving end of negative consequences from demonstration of independence or identity, they tend to orient their values around those that their parents endorse."
"It can be nerve-wrecking to be raised by narcissistic parents, it’s as if you are constantly walking on eggshells for fear of setting them off. Moreover, it can feel like a challenge trying to earn their love and validation—which unfortunately, is rarely attainable."
"Children may become overly responsible to fill the void left by their narcissistic parents, leading to a role reversal where they act as parents to their narcissistic parents and/or siblings."
"Children of narcissistic parents often believe that they are unworthy of love and affection,and that they have to be earned."
"In the long term, these children may experience profound and lasting consequence. They may adopt the following beliefs that can have significant impact on various aspects of their lives:
“I’m a burden. If I want to be loved, I need to ask nothing from others.”
"Some children of narcissistic parents become echoists, or someone who fears appearing narcissistic in any way. They may make themselves appear as ‘small’ as they possibly can. Due to a lifetime of dismissing their own needs and wants in place of that of their narcissistic parent, they may become unusually afraid of becoming a burden to others and may struggle to find a voice or be independent. Often, they may become compulsive caretakers and even be more likely to form relationships with narcissists".
“If only I were quieter, if only I were more obedient, maybe my mother would love me.”
Being unable to simply walk out and leave their family, children of narcissist parents try to cultivate a sense of hope in their childhood by telling themselves that once they “fix themselves”, their parent will love them. This also creates an illusion of control they are able to hold on to. Unfortunately, this pattern of thinking also leads to chronic self-blame, deprecation and guilt.
“Why won’t you pay attention to me!”
"Attachment styles are basically the way in which we interact and behave in relationships with others, characterized by how safe/ comfortable we feel and how we depend on others. We usually develop our attachment style based on our early attachments with our caregivers. People who had emotionally healthy childhoods typically develop a secure attachment style whereas children who grew up with neglect, emotional abuse and absence—such as that of narcissistic parenting—usually develop an insecure attachment style. This may manifest in two ways; due to fear of abandonment or constantly questioning the safety of the relationship, children of narcissists may choose to shut other people out. On the other hand, they may chase love and connection from the wrong people or in unhealthy ways such as becoming extremely needy or demanding love and attention angrily."
https://www.annabellepsychology.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder
I approached the children about the family meeting Julie had with them. I contacted my daughter's counselor at the time of the abuse in 1998, Rochelle Silverman, who lived and had a practice in Miami, Florida, in 2009. My oldest son and youngest daughter (repressed childhood abuse) believed their mother over me and I tried to get these children on the phone with Ms. Silverman, but both children refused. My youngest daughter refused to speak with her former counselor due to her mother's extreme menticide. Rochelle offered to come to Phoenix for family counseling to heal the family, but my oldest son and my daughter refused to participate. Julie Bacolas did not exercise her right, under joint custody in 1998, to request a second counselor treat and interview her youngest daughter . In 2009, Julie bacolas did not have a psychologist present for her "intervention", nor at any follow up family meetings where the alternate reality was panned to her severely mentally ill children, as such a menticide and the mother's agenda is in gross violation of the ACA Code of Ethics and no professional would participate or sign off on memory replacement therapy by a sociopath..
https://juliebacolas.com/menticide
Julie Bacolas had told my oldest son atrocious and false statements about me and why we divorced. Bizarre things that I cannot and will not repeat here. Disgusting and grotesque. None of what Julie told my oldest son was true. I tried to rationalize with my oldest son, that Julie did not bring such foul accusations against me during our divorce proceedings in 1998, during our highly contentious divorce and custody matters. I tried rationalizing with my son that if her allegations were not contrived and true, she surely would have asserted these things before the judge. None of the perverse and defamatory remarks about me made to my older son was alleged in my 1998 divorce and custody, because they were false and made up by Julie after the fact, to divert blame for her conduct as a mother and her resulting abandonment of our common children. I could not rationalize this with a severely mentally ill young man. He was angry that his mother was not a part of his life while he was growing up and now blamed me for her absence, keeping his mother away from him and his siblings.
This smear campaign is a text book example of the method Julie Bacolas used to execute her menticide on her adult children. Peg Streep (2020) explains these traits of disparagement and spreading non truths about the reputation of the non-narcissist parent:
"She spread rumors about me to family members, my neighbors, and even got in touch with my boss. My boss had no idea who she was, by the way, but that didn’t matter to Mom. Lies, and more lies. She told people I’d stolen from her, that she’d stopped speaking to me because I was violent, that I abused my kids. She actually wanted to call social services on me but, thankfully, someone talked her out of it. Or so I heard. It was all unreal and over the top.”
One of the more interesting observations offered up by Joseph Burgo in his book The Narcissist You Know is that the narcissist is so committed to his “truth” that his lies may not be conscious. Yes, re-read that sentence and let it sink in. Winning is all for the narcissist, as is never taking responsibility when things go south; while they are always the heroic protagonists when things go right, they loudly declare their victimhood—no matter how unlikely—when things go wrong or have the potential to embarrass them.
"The smear campaign is born out of a combination of factors, including the need to be right and have his or her “truth” become the prevailing script, retaining status and standing (making sure that his or her inner hidden shame doesn’t become public), and maintaining control of his or her image."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201906/dealing-the-narcissists-smear-campaign
After this family meeting when the defamation of my character of me as a man and a parent began, my highly successful teenage daughter began showing characteristics of sociopathy, promiscuity, and bipolar traits with psychotic features. Almost overnight, my youngest daughter changed from a happy and adjusted teenager, to a girl who I had to call the police on several occasions for inappropriate relations with adult men. She began using drugs. She began gaining weight and for the first time in her life, developing into an obese young woman. My youngest daughter had a pregnancy out of wedlock. During her pregnancy, she concocted a story to a fine African American young man by the name of Marcus Moore, that he was the father of her child. Only in my daughter's eighth month of pregnancy did she disclose to me that Marcus was not the father of her baby, but "a white boy who had no money, no job, and no future."
I implored her to disclose to Marcus Moore that he was not the father, she agreed to me to be truthful with Mr. Moore, but carried on the lie when the child was born Caucasian with blonde hair and blue eyes, telling this unknowing man that the child had these traits because I had blonde hair and blue eyes, as well as his own mother. Six months after the child’s birth, Marcus was approached at a party by the biological father, who admitted the fraud committed by my daughter regarding the paternity of this child. Although Marcus knew the child was not his, he continued to father the child until her mental illness and sociopathy killed their relationship. Marcus now lives in Pennsylvania and still laments about this child, who he calls his son. I have never met a more moral of finer young man than Marcus Moore.
Due trauma of the neglect while Julie was a parent, the sexual molestation by her boyfriend, the nine year abandonment, the returning menticide on her children's memories, and the physiological predisposition based on brain chemistry due to severe developmental delays in earlychildhood, Julie basically created a narcissist with her youngest daughter, and narcissist traits in her other children as well (and the resulting flying monkeys). This dynamic is explained by Shantell Fellows (2018):
"But what is a Female Narcissist? Someone who engages in relational aggression. This is a type of alternative aggression in which harm is caused by damaging someone’s relationships or social status."
"Since female narcissists engage in this type of relational aggression that teenage girls do, they can easily fly under the radar as the “mean girl”– something we all usually assume they will eventually grow out of. Research indicates that girls who use high levels of relational aggression also demonstrate very little empathy and care towards others. This suggests that behaviours like crossing boundaries, gossiping, exclusion and sabotaging relationships; may actually be more common among those with existing narcissistic traits. Unfortunately, society has just passed off this behaviour as ‘bitchy female traits’. This is not the case, and these shadow behaviours are not related to the feminine. I would like to be clear that these are narcissistic characteristics."
"Female narcissists do not “grow out” of their childhood aggression; unfortunately, they evolve into even more effective manipulators in adulthood, using their tactics to serve their selfish agendas and feed their ‘ego’
https://theyesqueen.com/bestlife/2018/12/8/how-to-spot-a-female-narcissist
Psyche Central (2020) explains this type of pathological lying and publishing false narratives by these tye of malignant narcissists:
"Narcissists are the heros (and/or the victims) of their own mental fairtytale. They live in a False Narrative of their own Fabrication. This is the foundation of their pathological lying."
"We all have a narrative and an understanding of who we are within that narrative. For example my narrative is that I’m ordinary wife living very rural and virtually unknown who is a jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none, embraces mediocrity (after years of perfectionism) and will never, ever win a drawing or raffle…ever. And I’m absolutely fine with that. Each event in life fits into my Narrative. As life goes on, sometimes I succeed, sometimes I make a boo-boo, but my narrative makes sense. It’s simple and straight-forward."
"Some narcissists fancy themselves The Perpetual Victims/Martyrs, always drawing the short end of the stick, always cheated, always abused, always abandoned…through absolutely no fault of their own."
"Some narcissists fancy themselves The Rescuers, put on this Earth to rescue those unfortunate souls who can’t reconnoiter their own lives without help from The Rescuers."
"Some narcissists fancy themselves as The Example Setters, modeling for others how to live life exactly as it’s supposed to be lived."
"Some narcissists fancy themselves as The Creditors and everyone owes them…big time!
Oh, there are a multitude of False Narratives. But in each narrative, the narcissists is the Star of the show, assured of their own perfection. This is the set-in-concrete construct in how narcissists understand themselves, other people and life events."
"Narcissists react dramatically to any hint of wrongdoing or calling-out because even the most minuscule crack in their faade is not an isolated event, easily forgiven and forgotten. No! Their entire False Narrative, their very lives, are at stake. The House of Cards they’ve carefully constructed shudders and threatens to fall if they’re caught in even one lie."
"When you start tugging on the loose string of their pathological lying, they’re acutely aware that their entire lives and their very selves may well unravel. That’s why they freak out. Get angry. Attack us with yet more lies. Unleash the flying monkeys. Call us the liars."
"Pull at the loose string of narcissistic pathological lying at your peril. But, sometimes, it’s totally worth it!"
https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/narcissism/2017/07/narcissists-and-pathological-lying
Julie Bacolas did not re-enter the lives of the Bacolas children to repair a lost relationship as their mother and to produce a healing those children needed. Julie’s intent was to repair a family, but to destroy a family. She succeeded in her endeavors, but one family’s destruction was not good enough, as her defamation carried over to 2020 in the destruction of yet a second family.
This woman’s selfishness to not want her children to believe she was with a man who she knew had molested her own daughter, who was previously accused of molesting his own daughter, caused the destruction of a family and the lives of seven people. Julie did not want to be remembered as a mother who abandoned her children and later married a man accused of molesting her own daughter. Julie went on a burnt earth campaign to eliminate the guilt that she wronged her children, which in fact that is exactly what this woman did. Behold the family Julie Bacolas destroyed, as this is a family picture of me and her common children before Julie’s return and destruction of these fine young children’s minds, emotions, and the only relationship with a parent who sacrificed his whole life for them. Behold the happy family Julie Bacolas Destroyed…
The woman in the top left picture is my sister. This picture was taken in 2014 and "a picture says a thogsand words." These happy children's lives began going down hill a year later when Julie Bacolas began reappearing in these adolescents lives.
I lost contact with my oldest son in 2010, as he was convinced that his mother would never abandon him or his sisters, and he believed the inflammatory things his mother said regarding why we divorced. At this point, this adult child had a full epression of pedophelia and with that, full deverlopment of narcissism in light of his mother's menticide. Sine one cannone appeal to empathy and understanding in a narcisst, since they have no empathy, I appealedd to his logic and the facts of his history.
Again, I tried rationalizing with this mentally ill young man, that I already had custody of him and his siblings prior to the disclosure of my daughters abuse. That nobody could fabricate anything to a Superior Court judge, and the cards were already stacked against me because I was a man. I tried, unsuccessfully, to remind my older son that I already had custody of him and his siblings before the accusations of abuse against his sister arose. Unfortunately, one cannot rationalize with the severely mentally ill.
He believed the story that his father fabricated a story before the court in order to obtain custody, although the facts show that his father already had custody and only visitation was pursued to be terminated with his mother. My oldest son believed the atrocious things his mother said regarding why she divorced me, although these absurd things were never mentioned by Julie before the Superior Court, and it was me, not Julie, who actually filed for divorce in 1998. He believed his mother’s false contentions that she deserted her children because she feared of her own safety, although a reasonable person would ask if the father was such a bad man, wouldn’t the mother stay in the children’s lives to ensure their common children were safe and not being harmed by this man she paints as a monster. Again, no rationalizing with the severely mentally ill offspring of a sociopath malignant narcisst.
Julie's menticide of her children's minds utilized the psychological technique of "gaslighting." Karyl McBride Ph.D. (2018) explains this tactic with narcissist parents:
"If you are dealing with a narcissist in your life or grew up with a narcissistic parent, you may have experienced “gaslighting.” It is a form of verbal and psychological abuse that is insidiously cruel, with the intention of making a person doubt their own sanity. It destabilizes you and can make you wonder about your own memory or perception of reality."
"True narcissists are not accountable for their own bad behavior. It is common for them to blame others and make it someone else’s fault. They use denial, accusation, misdirection, and lying to throw you off base. You can walk away wondering if it is just your imagination, or if you are sorely mistaken, and it is truly your fault."
" I’ve talked to many men and women betrayed by partners who say that for quite some time, they actually thought they were just losing their minds and being unreasonable. They look back after finding out the truth and wonder how someone could manipulate them with such conviction and forceful intent."
"Gaslighting is emotionally abusive and ultimately gives the abuser more power to dominate a relationship. It can happen gradually, so the victim goes from just thinking they misread a situation to really believing they must be going crazy. This can cause long-term damage to a person’s mental health, resulting in mistrust toward others in general, and can even interfere with their ability to form healthy relationships in the future."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201804/narcissists-use-gaslighting-control-and-abuse